waghu

Sorry

2009-02-22T10:52:00.001+08:00

I suddenly feel remorse for the things I've done to people I've cared for.

Bleargh

2009-02-03T18:08:00.001+08:00

Would it hurt so much for people to pick the phone up more often? Not asking you to spend "precious" credit, but at least when I call. Sick of chasing cars already, gonna choose ones that aren't moving from now on.

back

2008-07-19T18:27:00.002+08:00

Lo there, I'm back for no particular reason (back on the blog, that is)... Bored outta my lungs atm. Got hammered at Floritas last night, feeling the backlash atm ><

Gonna rest head, brb.

Meh.

2008-05-18T23:18:00.000+08:00

Meh.

That's about all I wanted to say.

Meh.

Comatose...

2008-05-15T06:01:00.005+08:00

Five months on since my last post... what a rollercoaster it's been. I'm back at the starting point now. Not so keen to get on board again.

Enough metaphors. I now know what it's truly like to miss someone. She would've just gotten onto the flight to KL. 30 minutes ago. Now the 11 hour wait till I can hear her voice again. I'm slipping into my emo rock song mood again.. Just downloaded Comatose by Skillet.

I hate feeling like this

I'm so tired of trying to fight this

I'm asleep and all I dream of

Is waking to you

Tell me that you will listen

Your touch is what I'm missing

And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you

Comatose

I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

[Chorus:]

I don't wanna live

I don't wanna breathe

'les I feel you next to me you take the pain I feel

waking up to you never felt so real

I don't wanna sleep

I don't wanna dream 'cause my dreams don't comfort me

The way you make me feel

Waking up to you never felt so real

I hate living without you

Dead wrong to ever doubt you

But my demons lay in waiting

Tempting me away

Oh how I adore you

Oh how I thirst for you

Oh how I need you

[Bridge:]

Breathing life

Waking up

My eyes

Open up

Don't leave me alone

It's on repeat now. It's one of those songs. You know the ones, those you can't put in a playlist with anything else, cos it's unique and anything that follows just won't match up. I've put it in a separate playlist with "7 days to the wolves" by Nightwish, as part of an emo rock playlist. But I'm not ready to switch over to any other song at the moment; this too well suits my mood atm. Btw, who said WoW's good for nothing... if not for those bosskill vids, I would never have heard these songs. Christian rock, so what. This isn't the right moment to distinguish genres, any song that suits the moment - does just that.

I can't recall exactly what her feelings were during the previous post (1st Jan), but something tells me I was a bit of an invisible man in her eyes at the time. Invisible man no more. She's fully aware of how I feel for her now. What can one do though? Apparently I'm too much of a good boy for her, and that's not what gets her going. I'm not gonna deny it, I am a "good boy". As long as wasting my parent's money isn't considered "evil". I'm not gonna get started talking about how bad I feel for my parents, I've not got the time to spiral into depression. Not for the next 3 weeks anyway. Fuck, 2 weeks.

Little reminders remain. Reminders of her. Used to be she used Herbal Essences as a shampoo. Before the last time she left, that is. Then I started using it. Any bets how long before I start using that strawberry thing she used to? I'm gonna hate myself for quoting Sin City, but she "smells as angels should".

How long before I slip back into my cookies and coke diet? How long before I revert back to bi-weekly baths? How long before I start playing WoW again?

Lets hope none of the above start too soon.

Something tells me I've got to start stocking up on supplies. Cookies and Coke will happen when I run out of proper food. Baths, when I run out of that label.M conditioner from Toni & Guy i'm semi-addicted to. WoW? Who the fuck knows? I woulda guessed when she left, since the presence of either her or WoW would feed my addiction to RL/RP.

How long before my RL feels so impotent that I have to log onto Ani and kick some ass? Perhaps it is as I suspected, perhaps my lack of physical RL presence was the reason I rolled Tauren, prefer aggressive play and prefer to sink into my virtual shell - WoW.

How long before I do an Annoar and get married in-game? I've gotta get my RL sorted, I can't sustain myself on online addictions for very much longer.

Yes, I claim that all changes when I go back to Malaysia. I'm actually someone there. But who really knows? I'm a changed person now. Am I a ghost of the person who left his home town to pursue an education abroad? (And instead got disillusioned and distracted.)

Just as no song adds up to the one that perfectly suits the mood at the particular moment, I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to add another girl to my playlist. I need her on repeat at the moment. But.. there's nothing. Void > replacement? Or vice-versa?

Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you

Words that prompt the peak of my emotions. No, I'm not broken down in tears. Never was a crying one. The stab still hurts though.

I like how I first attempted to soothe the pain by picking up my guitar. Then I realised that there was nothing I could play that would help. And so I write. One creative output or another.

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

Time to sleep then? And wake up just in time to make the call?

I've gotta get over this. C'mon. Stiff upper lip. For two weeks, at least.

You poke your belly and giggle.

One for the WoW peeps reading this.

[/emo]

It's never easy, is it?

2008-01-01T10:39:00.000+08:00

It's not easy trying to bend someone's will, someone you love.
He called her to wish her Happy New Year today. She was so happy, but as much as I wanted to be happy for her, I just couldn't. So much wish that he'd behave himself and ignore her. That might make her sad, but then she'd just have to find the nearest shoulder to cry on, wouldn't she?

Lotsa noise from the hall. Others there. I still fail to see the point of drugs and alcohol. Escaping reality, yeah.. but sometimes I'd rather face that reality. It all seems so... pointless. Gotta admit that reality sucks though. But it's real.

Really...

2007-12-19T11:15:00.000+08:00

Who gives a SHIT, what that piece of SHIT thinks about me being close to her? Not ME. If he couldn't find it in himself to break up with his current gf, then what the fuck do i care?

Determination

2007-12-12T05:02:00.000+08:00

What is it, really? The ability to see something through? Or general strength of will? I've, for some reason, been doing a lot of soul searching lately, perhaps it was a sub-concious realisation of my age (yes, happy belated birthday, me), my place in life, and what I've accomplished (and yet to do) in life.

I realise I've got a lot of negative qualities (and admittedly, an equal number of redeeming ones), but I'm probably most dissapointed with my negativity. I find I'm in the unique (pending others claiming to have the same) mental frame of having both optimism and pessimism. And my mind seems to flit between the two uncontrollably (upon reaching a certain extent of extremism) and from there, all decisions and plans evaporate into nothingness. All I built my courage (never Dutch) up for and all oppurtunities are lost in a blink of an eye.

This post comes after one of these oppurtunities have just passed me by. Fear of rejection is fresh in my mind, as is the mental picture of what could have been. See the two-ness of mind? Not optimism and pessimism at this point, but perhaps a flash of inspiration will hit me soon and I'll know how to put the situation into words.

It's RnB time. There's the pessimism coming in. Jazz (and optimism) will soon follow, I suspect.

The gift was not the precipitant for the feelings I had inside, I had the intention to go through with my plan from before I last saw her. And all those grand plans. The explosion I planned. Alright, gtfo my blog CIA, that's not the type of explosion I was talking about. An explosion of emotion, if I may, was what I was referring to. The very sudden and rapid expression of the feelings I well up inside me.

*looks at the title chosen for the post*

This was not the story I wanted to tell today. My original thoughts were more to do with the ability to survive a crisis. The different reactions people project indicate, to some extent, their ability to think straight during times of emergency and take charge. I have been known to be able to drop all sense of emotion and buckle up to hold everyone together. No, I lie not, It has been known to happen. The unfortunate side-effect (much more permanent though, more like a present-continuous condition) is my mellow and subdued nature. Is this gift-curse worth it? The ability to pull through the tough times, tied in with the inability to impress the rest of the time. Perhaps my two stories (the one I originally intended to tell, and the beans I spilt earlier in the post) are one and the same. Just different takes on the same situation.

I, perhaps, am not able to communicate my emotions as readily as I should for my purposes. Argh, what I would give for a sense of normality!

Fear of rejection. Sure, it's common among the inexperienced. Stomaching the fact that I have anything to do with the term "fear" is something I find very hard to do. My mental solidity is perhaps the core of my redeeming qualities. The fact that I would resort to writing this post, that I feel such insecurity, even... does that quite immediately dispense of the notion that I'm, for the lack of a better term, mentally solid?

*interrupted by her*

*4 minute break, talking to her, planning for the evening's outing*

I r back. I'm the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. Except that I can't do either. What on earth possessed me into thinking that I'm worthy of such women in my life? My one quality that has any chance of being attractive to them is more at home in the body of the "gay friend", a term my friends use to describe my interactions with these women.

Gotta prepare some for my mega-giant typing session for courseworks tomorrow. Lovedough in a couple of hours, so time is of the essence. At the very least, I've gotta get this degree over with, for that's what my parents expect of me. As for my own needs, I suppose WoW will have to suffice. Talk about sticking to the world I know. Escapism, you call it. Yeah, it is. Fuck it all, I need an escape from this reality. Try to stop me? Fuck YOU.

The game of tennis in my head...

2007-03-06T07:37:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've been of two minds.

Hold up. You see where the comma is in the previous sentence? It should have been a line of dots, not a comma. Problem is, I wouldn't know when to stop the line. Can't use the phrase "draw the line", there'd be comprehension problems for a bit on your part.

My life of late has been... troubled. Watch Alfie, the movie... right about the 71st minute (T=0 at the Paramount thingy at the start). That's kinda my mood right now.

I'm starting to play my clarinet now, but the only tune in my head that I can push out through the clarinet is Smoke on the Water. For some reason.

Don't expect any sense or order for the content in this post, there's probably not going to be any.

Get to the 76th minute of Alfie, that sense of possibility of things getting better. That's another feeling in me.

Where was I?

Troubled. Two "Me"s.

78th minute, I never mean to hurt anyone. But do I?

Troubled. In a way I haven't been for awhile. I need the old man from the 81st minute for advice. I'm not a scholar by any description, I'm not the best student. Never have been.

Damn, I never want to go through my life to face rejection like in the 87th minute.

Social life, friends, I have plenty, and I'm happy with them. My friends keep my life full. They fill me with their troubles, they fill me with their pain... they fill me with their joy. It all balances up. It's fair, you don't abandon your friends when they need you, and they repay you by sharing their joyous moments with you as well. I find that if you have enough friends, your life never gets empty. To an extent. Make enough friends and they'll float your boat.

But there's more out there for me. Romance has never been something I have found easy to carry through. The thing I realise about me is, I'm all about strategy and never about carrying it out flawlessly. I don't mean never, but the majority of the time. My understanding of love might differ from most others, but mine encompasses theirs, so I'm not incapable of loving people romantically, I'm certain of that.

It will be two years soon. Two years of adoration for a single person. I find myself unable to love any other as I love her. I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but my love for her is on a different level. Every so often, someone comes into my life to tell me to move on, but for something so easily said, it's not so easily done. I've tried, believe me.

I'm off to the post office tomorrow, I think I'm gonna send her a postcard.

The one thing I need to tell her, I've told everyone who knows both me and her. Courage fails me when the time comes to tell her.

Alfie is over... and I'm outta steam.

It's probably time I clear my bed and retire into the night. More blogging tomorrow, perhaps. Sigh.

Nice guys finish last...

2007-02-24T02:46:00.000+08:00

Someone close to me sent me this... this... this I-dunno-what... But I thought it really made sense in some cases. I've always thought of myself as the good guy, the nice guy, but I don't know to what extent my self-assessment is true. Perhaps you could tell me, dear readers? If you please, comments with the statement numbers that apply... Much appreciated

I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that i like you.
I'm sorry that I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk.
I'm sorry that my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants.
I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised.
I'm sorry that I'm not cute enough to be "your guy".
I'm sorry that I am actually nice; not an asshole.
I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things.
I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club.
I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just f**k youlike some random guy.
I'm sorry that I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date.
I'm sorry that I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at youfor puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy.
I'm sorry that I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend.
I'm sorry if I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around.
I'm sorry if I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work.
I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.
I'm sorry if you read this and know somebody like this but don't care... But most of all
I'm sorry for not being sorry anymore.
I'm sorry that you can't accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry I can ever do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for.
I'm sorry that I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorry that I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you instead of spending timewith my family.
I'm sorry that i cared.
I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talk about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right beside you.

You know you have it good...

2007-02-22T09:24:00.000+08:00

Let's get this part out of the way, You know you have it good when you go out smelling of Paul Smith London for Men, and get back smelling of Givenchy Very Irresistable (obviously for women). Especially if not two hours ago you had presented a very special someone with that very scent.
That should be enough information for you gossip aficionados out there.

Departing from that fond reflection, I noticed last night some differences between clubbing in Penang and Newcastle. Culture shock had muted my senses so much so I failed to register any such difference when I first landed in Newcastle. Realisation kicked in later, but all I realised wasn't the whole nine yards.

Figures hurt. I arrived at Glo yesterday a little earlier than the others did, and paid the RM35 cover charge to get in and stake our claim for tables and floor space. Too soon after, the other three guys arrived, Kit, Benson and Han Ker. We decided to share for a bottle of Chivas which costed each of us RM70. That would make my total expenditure for the night a whopping (or so it seemed) RM105, oh wait... RM109 including the parking charges. That hurts doesn't it? But wait. I've been studying in the UK, among other things such as clubbing and emptying my wallet. Why bother keeping count in MYR when I can do so in GBP? Lets see... some quick math.... RM109 divided by 7 (a rough approximation of the exchange rate).... that makes... that's about GBP15. That's nothing. Not a dinge on the body work. An average night out in Newcastle takes up about GBP30, for guys at least. Shit, that's 200 big ones in Malaysia...

Yet that concerned me, at the time. Now that my wallet is as bare as Mother Hubbard's cupboard, leave the RM1 notes, that kinda hurt.

Perhaps I should not do this currency conversion as an exercise of convincing myself it's not all that much. Perhaps it should be done in reverse. The next time I spend GBP15 in the UK, I should convert it back to MYR. I did for awhile at first when I first got there, but the effect of conversion wore off. A return to those ways, perhaps? I think so. I have been exceeding my budget as of late, therefore.... cut back time.

*smile* ----> from re-reading the first paragraph of this post.

Snow (Hey... splat... d'oh!!)

2007-02-07T18:23:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to make of the Pussycat Dolls. I went for their concert yesterday, along with another coupla thousand people, and a few friends. You, my dear reader, must know that I have nothing but pure appreciation (and *ahem*.. nothing else) for the FFF (Fine Female Figure) but yesterday I delved a little deeper into understanding the Pussycat Dolls. I saw them for more than their really really hot bodies. Quite a feat, I'm amazing, I know. But I saw that they were human after all (albeit really good looking ones). They exposed their vulnerable side on stage yesterday, amidst all the women-power subliminal messages.

Don't get me wrong, any of them are hot enough to make jellyfish get a hard-on, but that didn't change the fact that for the first half of their part of the concert, they were... erm... kinda stinky. It was quite obvious that they were content to let their songs rest on their laurels, just playing out hit after hit in a subdued fashion. I was quite determined not to let the anti-climax of a concert down my spirits, as I was up for clubbing after it. But the unexpected happened.

They got better. Of all their songs, I never thought that Stickwitu would be the one that brought them redemption from a flop of a concert. Probably figured that they could work the concert up from an anticlimax with a slow song. And work it did. Long story short, the concert didn't turn out as bad as it was going to be.

Anyway, got some souveniers for someone back home, knowing how much she loves the Pussycat Dolls.

Oh, and it snowed while we were in the concert.

BRB..... back!

2007-02-05T18:01:00.000+08:00

Been in London over the weekend... and what a weekend! Two and a half days packed with walking and knocking off London landmarks off the to-see list. The Tower of London, Harrods... the lot! Did everything I wanted to do except see Madame Tussauds... I think.

I'm so tired now, just feel like sleeping the whole day through. But i gotta go get groceries and stuff... And Pussycat Dolls are tomorrow, gotta go get a glossy for them to autograph, though it's gonna be tough to fight thru the crowd to get to them...

Phil Edmonds. A musician, out in the cold on the streets of London, when with better luck, he could be at the very least a bar musician, a regular in the amateur musical outfit. Bought his CD, listening to it now, potential is definitely there. Interesting cover versions of No Woman No Cry and Tears In Heaven.

Seeing him out in the cold with so much talent makes me feel lucky to be born into well-off-ness. Makes me grateful for what I have, and inspires me to make use of full resources available to me... I had better!!

Hey now

2007-02-01T05:39:00.000+08:00

Well... there's been nothing much to write here, that seems to be the only explanation for lack of posts here. Or I've just been lazy. There's always that.

Well, for lack of inspiration as to where to start, let's talk music. Lately, I've fallen into the Michael Jackson craze again... The only reason I can think of starts with my adoption of a pet in WoW being a black and white pet cat I wanted to name MJ, but the system wouldn't let me. Instead of falling upon names like Michael and Blacknwhite, I named it Moonwalk. There's a hint if there ever was one. So there's that. Then there's the fact that I'm going to see the Pussycat Dolls in concert next Saturday at the Metro Radio Arena. Why they would come to Newcastle i don't know, but as they say, don't question these things. Just accept and enjoy them. I'd probably provide the same response if a beautiful woman came on to me. Anyone know if any of the Pussycat Dolls have uncontrollable urges to slum? Oh, and Rihanna's performing at the same concert. Oh, damn... I gotta go search for a photograph of them Dolls, gotta have something for them to sign for Chean Ling.

Other than that... I've been hooked to Fresh Prince of Bel Air lately. Got seasons 1 thru 6.. but i particularly love the episode 4x04 where Will and Tyra have the fight circa the 11th minute. Now that's classic.

Interruption : While typing this, Tsubasa asked me for Nelly's music, so I'm listening to that now... Wow, it's been long since I listened to him. Coupla months at the least.

Well, gotta do my seminar for tomorrow, damn consumer protection law. And family law and intellectual property law. And medical law. Soon I'll say damn jurisprudence too. But all the other subjects I take, I'm fine with. Oh wait, there aren't any left. Fun times ahead.

Where'd You Go... I miss you so...

2006-09-08T08:23:00.000+08:00

It's been a very long while, and though I've had constant promptings, I've declined to update my blog. I dunno why, it wasn't laziness, more like.. preferring to enjoy my time in Penang doing things I can only do in Penang. Dota, clubbing, more dota... that sorta thing.

Some of you know (b'cos I've told you) that I've had this emptiness feeling inside me, loss of appetite and basically all the general symptoms of anxiety. Now I know why. The feelings now eat at the pit of my stomach. Or maybe that's because I haven't had my morning choc milk. I doubt that, this feeling is one I've had before... I now realise that. It's the same emptiness I felt when I was about to leave Adelaide and come back to Penang (refer to http://www.xanga.com/paperprofessor).

Although I'm only going to UK tomorrow, it feels like I haven't seen you guys in ages, I'm already consciously missing everyone, especially my friends, my cousins, my family... Some of you have touched my life, albeit for only a year or two, but such has your impression been on me that... I think I could cry. Maybe not cry, but at least tear.

I hate to classify, but some of you I'm going to miss more than others. Some of you got me presents, going away cards, etc, and I don't know how to express my gratitude. The pity of it is that it doesn't ease my anxiety nor does it ease saying goodbye. I know it's not really goodbye.. it's more like "goodbye for now". The thought of not seeing you guys for a year is more than I can bear.

My mood song at the moment is... you guessed it... Where'd You Go by Fort Minor. Never mind Mike Shinoda's raps, when Holly Brook sings, the pain temporarily eases. "Where'd you go..? I miss you so, seems like it's been forever, since you've been gone...". Only thing is, you and me have yet to say goodbye. We haven't been apart, and already I'm missing you. Sigh...

I'm not foolish enough to hope I don't miss you guys. That's probably gonna be impossible. But I do hope I settle these feelings down early enough into my UK adventure, so I can concentrate on my studies and get it over in 1 year. They say the 10 months will just fly. I wish it to fly, only hoping I'm prepared for my exams at the end of it.

Iraq on YouTube

2006-07-20T10:25:00.000+08:00

Go do a search on YouTube for Iraq... check out the home videos put up there by the American soldiers. I warn you, some of them are real downers.

To cheer yourself up, check out this clip - it's a very Monty Python-esque interview of Iraqi resistance. Well, fake Iraqi resistance, I would imagine.

It's been a reeeeeaaally long time...

2006-07-19T04:28:00.000+08:00

And it's Hug Week!!! But it's also exam week, so I can't devote all my time to hugging everyone i know. And you know I would if not for the exams. But one thing's for sure, I'm damn well gonna be hugging some Euro chicks next year this time.. hahaha... My parents would die of shame reading this blog.

It's a 4am study session now, and I'm blogging. Just because. Can't sleep so well nowadays, probably the exam pressure. Gotta sort it out, cos I'm waking up at 1am and 2am before my 4am study session wake up. That doesn't do me any good. Gotta get enuf sleep before the session, else I'll be a zombie the rest of the day... No good.

It's to the books for me now, will update as soon as possible. Thanks for the visit anyway.

Roaches, an article as seen in NineMSN

2006-07-07T10:29:00.000+08:00

Are cockroaches as dirty as we all believe?
When you think of cockroaches, you've got to admit you think filth and squalor. But are these traditional beliefs that cockroaches are dirty, disease-spreading bugs entirely accurate? There are nearly 4000 species of cockroaches in the world, but only 25 to 30 actually have a pest status.
Cockroaches love to live in filth — but does that make them dirty?
Reporter Dr Andrew Rochford has volunteered to test just how dirty cockroaches are in relation to a human being and other things we have daily contact with. To get started, Andrew visits Liz Harry, a microbiologist at the University of Technology. Liz will take two swabs of germs. Firstly, a cockroach will run across a dirty surface, such as the kitchen floor, and will then be left for two hours before the swab is taken. Andrew's fingers will then walk across the same surface and he won't wash his hands for two hours before his swab is taken. Both samples are then put into separate Petri dishes, then turned upside down and put into an incubator at 37 degrees to be left overnight. If there are any germs, they'll easily be seen in the morning.

Cockroach sample

Andrew's sample

Twenty-four hours later it's time to compare the cultures and find out who's the king of clean.

First swab: a control swab was added to the experiment to guarantee the experiment is accurate. There is no bacteria growing on this plate.

Cockroach's swab: There are a few colonies of bacteria there.

Andrew's swab: There's a lot more bacteria on the plate where Andrew's hand was swabbed.

The cockroach is actually cleaner than Andrew. Why? Because cockroaches actually clean themselves fastidiously — all the time.
"Most species of cockroaches are kind of like cats. Cats are considered to be a very clean animal because it's always grooming itself. And cockroaches do that also," says bug collector Darrin Vernier. He lives in the US state of Arizona and is crazy about creepy crawlies. Darrin's got 10,000 roaches in his personal collection and he claims that his roaches are invaluable in breaking down dead and decaying matter in the eco-system.

So cockroaches could be seen in the insect world as the obsessive compulsive fastidious cleaner?

Darrin says this is a great way to look at it: "Sometimes I walk in from the outside and I track in dirt under my feet accidentally. That's really the only thing the cockroach does that has any relation to filth at all and it's because we've already left it there. If we clean it up it's not a problem."

So if roaches are so clean, what sort of dangers do they really pose?
Dr Noel Tait is an honorary professor in invertebrae zoology at Macquarie University. He says the problem with cockroaches are those nasty little deposits they leave behind.

"The allergens are cockroach allergens themselves. They are in the faeces because they are chemicals from the bodies of the cockroaches. And people who are susceptible to allergic situations can become hyper sensitised to them," says Dr Tait.

There are no available Australian statistics, but in the United States, up to 60 percent of asthma sufferers are affected by cockroach allergens.
If you're one of them, you could get skin rashes, watery eyes, nasal congestion and even asthma attacks.

Therefore, if you don't want cockroaches taking up residence at your house — clean up. Cockroaches in homes are only as dirty as the environment they are living in. If you have a filthy house, they will spread that filth around your kitchen, but if your kitchen is clean and hygienic, you won't be providing them with a food source and they won't bother so much. But if the odd cockroach does show up, at least you know they're not that bad. They're actually quite hygienic.

Ever heard the one about cockroaches being able to survive a nuclear war?
Well, it's true, they can. For humans, a lethal dose of radiation is about 800 rems but some roach varieties can withstand doses up to a hundred times bigger, and as long as they're not in the blast zone, they'd survive the radioactive fallout of a nuclear explosion.

What hope has mankind?

I got TAGGED

2006-07-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

Name 20 ppl u can think of and then tag 5 more ppl to do the survey. do not read the questions before you write.
1. Trish
2. Timothy
3. Sylvia
4. Rhina
5. Krish
6. Vishznu
7. Samantha
8. Huei Ling
9. Daphne
10. Parvin
11. Premjit
12. Joanne
13. Brandy... my puppy
14. Diana
15. Jhanglynn
16.Queenie
17. Bacardi... my 2nd puppy
18. Yu Jian
19. Chi Huan
20. Ms. Goon hahaha

1. How did u meet #14 (Diana)?
~She's my classmate.. we have had some common friends over the years though...

2.What would u do if u haven't met #1 (Trish)?
~Wouldn't have broken humeruses(arm bones)... ><

3. What would u do if #20 (ms goon) and #9 (Daphne)dated?
~Wouldn't be at all surprised.. Made for each other, those two... I see the chemistry... *evil grin*

4. Would #6 (Vishznu) and #17 (Bacardi) make a good couple?
~Yeah lol.

5. Describe #3 (Sylvia).
~Much smarter than I am. Wish she was following us to UK. If we go, that is.

6. Do you think #8 (Huei Ling) is attractive?
~Yeah, she is... the girl can DANCE.

7. Tell me something about #7 (Samantha)
~She bullies me. But only after I bully her.

8. Do you know anything about #12 (Joanne)'s family?
~Well, no actually. How boring.

9. What is #1 's (Trish) favourite?
~favorite what? gym? CF i think... of the three i know her to have joined...

10. What would you do if #11 (Premjit) confesses that he/she likes you?
~Freak out big time. And throw Daphne towards him.

11. What language does #15 (Jhanglynn) speak?
~I don't think she's a banana, sure she speaks at least English and Hokkien

12. Who is #9 (Daphne)going out with?
~I decided against being mean... she's... *ahem*.... single. REALLY. *ahem*

13. How old is #16 (Queenie) ?
~19 i think... or 20

14. When was the last time you talked to #13 (Brandy)?
~just a few minutes ago, when i shushed her...

15. Who is #2 (Timothy)'s favourite singer?
~erm, Gary Moore? He just mentioned Gary yesterday, but for us rock enthusiasts, it's not so much about the voice...

16. Would you date #4 (Rhina)?
~I'd hate for her to leave, but would love to watch her run away at such a suggestion. Leaving the pool of puke at my feet. *mental note* Wash shoes.

17. Would you date #7 (Samantha)?
~She's got someone for her own now...

18. Is #15 (Jhanglynn)single?
~nope.. she's got a bf i think

19. What is #10 (Parvin)'s last name?
~wow, i don't know.

20. Would you consider being in a relationship with #19 (Chi Huan)?
~Oh for God's sake Daphne, stop laughing. We're just friends, aren't we darlin'?

21. What schools did #17 (Bacardi)go to?
~Needs to go to puppy school.. still keep crapping all over the front yard

23. What is your favourite thing about #5 (Krish)?
~Sure of himself. Good to have in your corner in an argument.

24. What do you think about #13 (Brandy)?
~Really smart bitch. What?!? She is... stop looking at me like that...

25. What do #4 (Rhina) and # 18 (Yu Jian) have in common?
~both studied at IPG for at least 3 years, erm... not much else I think?

26. What special qualities does #5 (Krish) hold in your life?
~This is gay.. how many questions about the same guy am i supposed to answer...? Well, he's a Free... My fellow Frees are all excellent people. Scholars, Sportsmen and Gentlemen? Well... at least some are.

Tagging Yu Jian, Trish, Ben, Sugs, Queenie and all other bloggers out there...

New post for the new month...

2006-07-01T14:55:00.000+08:00

It's been a while. A long while. Y'all still here?

Good then. Lots has happened, Hitz.fm party, French Festival, World cup fever and sore throat. Mock exams done with, only after doing me in. Lotsa personal controversy too. Alien feelings swarming through my headspace, moral debates banging their fists in protest(nothing new there), advice from all around poking at my scalp, much like sperm trying to claim the egg for it's own. I'm no egghead though.

I think I've managed to maintain clarity though, goals still in place, studying for exams, gotta get them marks, gotta make those Benjamins, gotta own them bitches. Oops. Oh, and I channell Dave Chappelle's thoughts at times.

I now know what it's liked to be liked in that particular way. I know now how so many girls have felt about me. Well, not that many, countable on one hand, but that's quite a number for 1 1/2 years. Anyway, a big THANK YOU to bibbles for helping me sort my feelings from my thoughts. I did do what was contrary to her advice, but doesn't that prove all the more that my thoughts were clear? My dear little sister... what would I do without her...? Hope her eyes are OK, she's just gone to the optometrist. Should I call? Nah, let her relax and lemme know online when she gets back.

Classic rock soothes my tired, tired brain. AC/DC, Bad Company, CCR, Dire Straits (ABCD, anyone noticed that? The first letters of each band name? The epitome of brilliance, aren't I?). Thanks to Simren for introducing me to the latter group. Sultans of Swing is a helluva song. I'm managing to pick some tunes out on my guitar now, easy ones though they may be, it's enough for me for now. Therapeutic effects of music. Aah...

Gotta get to studying. No more messing around.

Should I, shouldn't I?

2006-06-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

I've gotta remain ambiguous here, there's a degree of sensitivity involved with the subject matter. There's something I want, and have wanted for awhile now. The only problem is, it kinda "belongs" to someone else, as I've long suspected. I know some of you who insist that as long as I put in the work and earn it, the it can be mine, and I can just picture you egging me on. Then there are my principles. You don't just grab something that belongs to another. Then there are the feelings. I want it. Bad. Maybe even more now than before, as I now know I can't have it. D'oh!!

I'm in love with a stripper...

2006-06-14T14:44:00.000+08:00

Nah, not really. It's the name of the song on my playlist now. Kinda hooked on this song now.. Thanks Syl. Good recommendation.

While we're on the subject of strippers, I read this article in NineMSN about a stripper car wash opening in Melby. I see dust-trails heading to Melbourne from all directions on my Sat Board now, you horny fellas. I assume the girls are still reading though? None of y'all lesbians eh? A few things struck me when I read this article, it's about that car wash angering locals. Well... the local ladies that is. Feminists. Can't bear to see your men have good times eh? Anyway, in the article, there weren't any quips by men putting down the car wash. Surprise, surprise. Whaddaya expect if you combine the top two men's passions eh? Why couldn't they have started things like this when I was there eh? Can just picture the four of us, Ben, Eddie, Chua and me cruisin the highway to Melby in Ben's old car(what was it again?), on our way to a good time.

This hit me hard though. The line "A stripper who posed for photographers at the wash, 20-year-old Melinda, said she thought men would be encouraged to get their car cleaned at the site. "They like to see girls in bikinis washing cars, especially in summer. It's a turn-on," she said". You damn right girl. How the hell does someone become a 20-year old stripper?!? Unless she's "20 years-old", that is. Which she probably "is". And she poppin' and she rollin' and she rollin'... That's a nice song.

Keep Melby fun!! I haven't been though ><. For shame. Mike Jones!! Mike Jones!!

GSC Marketting Ploy Uncovered~!!!

2006-06-06T14:33:00.000+08:00

Super-sleuth Raghu da Waghu has today revealed his accusations directed at Malaysia-wide movie moguls Golden Screen Cinemas (formerly fondly known as GSC) about withholding movie releases till such a time that would guarantee maximum returns as a result of ticket sales, and more recently, cancelling the special movie day prices for certain movies.

It is a well-known fact that movie day at The-Cinema-formerly-known-as-GSC is Wednesday, and for that day only, tickets are priced lower than other days. Just look at this month's new releases. Tokyo Drift comes out this Thursday. Scary Movie 4 and Take The Lead comes out next Thursday. The following Thursday, does anything come out? Superman Returns. Thursday, Thursday, Thursday. People gotta wait 6 days to get the movie day discount. Isn't there a story in here somewhere?

I'm NOT a blog slacker... bleks

2006-06-05T20:45:00.000+08:00

For some reason, lately I've been sent constant subliminal reminders of my time in Adelaide. Because of these occurances, my mind is in a constant nostalgic mood, not to mention the fact that I went so far as to look ticket prices up for a return trip there before I jettison of to the UK. Here are some of the reminders that came to me.

First there was the site report update from my old blog, my first blog, which I started on the 28th of June 2004, barely more than a month before I came back to Malaysia for good. It was probably just after my exams were over, the damning exams. It starts as any blog starts, with a blundering introduction, totally unnecessary, but people still put it up. Then come the exam woes, not to mention the arrival of a certain someone who set me up for the big fall. Then came the pre-coming-back-to-Malaysia trip to Malaysia, to surprise my cousins and my grandmother. Then came just about the lousiest feeling I've ever felt, a combination of missing my cousins, and the realisation that I'm leaving Adelaide for good within the month. Sigh.. bad times.

Yesterday I attended a SPCA meeting at Rebecca's house, along with John and Daphne and the rest of them. Rebecca and her husband, I found out yesterday, were from Adelaide, not the city though, the outskirts. She had a touch football at her house, and handling it I remembered the way Birgit Cramer tried to teach us to play Aussie Rules. I had an OK throwing hand, but i couldn't initiate proper contact with that oval rubber shit. Shouldn't call it that, I should be missing it. Ah well, go Adelaide Crows.

Walking to the car from Rebecca's house yesterday, Bibbles promised (I hold you to it!!) that she'd visit Adelaide with me sometime, so that's something to look forward to. At least I didn't waste my time looking up those prices. By the way, Bibbles, pass me the RM2803 for your air ticket as soon as possible, ya? Kekeke...

my personality!!

2006-05-31T21:33:00.000+08:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Religious	\|\|	10%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

So it's all just a joke then?

2006-05-18T17:09:00.000+08:00

It turns out it was all just a joke they were playing on me yesterday. She didn't really go clubbing with them this time. They let me endure the pain a little longer than necessary in college too. They came to me with descriptions that would weaken any man's knees.. maybe even some gay men. All this multiplied the sick feeling in my stomach, and yet, in a corner of my mind, I still harboured some hope that their stories were entirely fiction. And it's a good thing I did too. For it was.

It was V's birthday today, funnily the lot of them came on time for class today. Not what you would expect following a night of clubbing. He got the traditional cake-to-face smash, not to mention the additions of cake-to-trouser drippings and cake-t0-bag fallings. The whole lot of them, the ones who went clubbing yesterday have gone to watch Da Vinci Code now. I was invited, but can't make it... I gotta spend quality time with my bro. So the fact that I'm in front of my computer baffles me. Maybe I should have just gone with them. What a waste.

Sighss....

2006-05-17T22:41:00.000+08:00

It seems a certain someone has been going clubbing... And I've been stuck at home. Missing out. And my friends have met her clubbing, and they're all going clubbing together again tonight. Here I am at home. Like an accident happening in slow motion, I see it unfolding before my eyes, but am unable to do anything about it. I trust my friends not to get her into trouble, and I trust them not to betray my trust. It is one of their birthdays today after all.

I can't help but wonder, whether it is all part of a sick joke conjured by my friends. One that is aimed to reveal my desperation not to miss out. I feel sure my friends would not do such a thing to me, to put me through such torture. But will they? It happens on a relatively minor scale all the time, is it possible it's just enlarged before my eyes because it involves that certain someone? The wound cuts deeper than it usually does, when this emotion courses through my veins.

I've just had a chat with a friend, D and her and they both tell me they're going out tonight to Glo. I'd love to go, but I'm at home. Leaving home at this time of day(night) needs force of reason stronger than that needed to break orbit from Earth. The banter in the chatroom seems to be all in good fun, pseudo love triangles are ever-so-carelessly forged and evaporated in the conversation. The torture of what-may-be-but-yet-not-happening-because-I-can't-leave-home is greater than the pain of knowing for sure any possible bad news in that direction.

This same hollowness inside has struck before. Read up my New Years Eve clubbing and Valentines Day posts. Different people, different location, same situation. Well, nearly. It's not described so well in that post, but the feeling was there... I've had more than a few impulses to get that New Year's Jealousy story off the ground.

Oh look, D is offline, and she is "Away". Probably getting ready for their fun night ahead. Argh, fuck it, I'm gonna sleep soon. Fuck this feeling. It's plagued me way too much this year.

It's been so long, but it feels like the day before yesterday...

2006-05-12T23:11:00.000+08:00

It's coming up on 2 years since I left Adelaide, and yet, going through friendster and seeing the pictures of my friends there, I still have a keen sense of what it was like to be there. A few minutes ago, I could have sworn I had an out-of-body experience.

I'm walking in Eddie and Chua's apartment, it was slightly cold, not the bitter cold of the outdoors in winter, more like the cold of the indoors, wearing my blue Nike sports jacket. GAME STARTED WOI!! Eddie shouts from his room. I walk from the TV room towards Chua's bedroom. I pass the dining table on my right. I look at the reflection of my black socks in the full length mirror leaned against that wall there. *Poof*

I'm back in my world now. Ben's MSN conversation window is flashing, he's not scoring much in futsal, he says. Futsal. Indoor football.

I'm pacing the netting on the left of court Adelaide. Ben's holding the ball up for far to long. MAN ON! I shout at him. The one in blue with the goatee has incredible entry speed approaching Ben from behind. Slight contact with the ball, much more contact with Ben's heel. Ben falls. Play on says the ref. FUCKING REF!! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?!? I shout. The ref gives me a look, the game continues. Ben grimaces and curses the ref under his breath. I see the words forming in his head, I read those words on his lips. He supports himself on one knee and gets up from the floor. Birgit gives me a knowing look and tries to calm me down. I take a swig of Powerade and continue my pacing. Later on, after the game, Ben throws his clothes on hurriedly and storms off to his car. I look at the guys, Ken and Weidong, and the rest of them he's left behind, they're all gesturing me to follow Ben. I follow Ben. Ben and I get into his car, just him and me. He's steaming mad. It's as angry as I've every seen him. He feels he has been let down by his teammates and the biased, "racist" ref. I try to figure out what to say to him, finally decide to show empathy. I see the anger gradually dissipate as he tells me what exactly in the game was making him angry. We reach the corner of Pulteney and North Terrace. He parks just 'round the corner, on Pulteney, directly downstairs from Bradford College. *Poof*

It's back to reality again. No flashing MSN message from Ben. Not yet. Bradford College. I remember the first day I went in, I had made so many resolutions. The resolution to not be so contained anymore. The resolution to do well, to change for the better. The resolution to quit dota. Boy, have I let myself down. Till this day, only the first of those resolutions can be considered complete. If not for my being so foolhardy and weak-willed, I would still be in Adelaide today. I'd be there, playing futsal with Ben and the rest of the gang from Bradford College. I'd still be able to visit Eddie and Chua at their place. I'd still take in the midnight live telecast of the Premier League at the Railway Station/Casino with the boys. I remember the good times the locals had given to me too. I never really thanked them properly for their kindness.

P.S. I've just sent Birgit Cramer a long long email about how things are in Penang, and thanking her for my good times in Adelaide.

Catch My Disease... no, really...

2006-05-07T21:42:00.000+08:00

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Raghuram's Syndrome
Cause:	monkey bite
Symptoms:	mild lockjaw, vague Hitler moustache, seeing dead people
Cure:	bleach
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

2006-04-30T09:38:00.000+08:00

My attempt at a pitiful face... No, I wasn't shaking.. it was Amanda's shaky hands... Girls generally get the shakes in my presence. I'm kinda used to it now, but it makes for bad photos. :D

2006-04-30T09:27:00.000+08:00

Tim and me at the gig at MBS... What a night!!

Pissed off at those stupid friendster bulletins

2006-04-28T08:39:00.000+08:00

Who are the stupid fucks who have nothing better to do than start these "repost or die" bulletins eh? Have these people nothing else to stir some excitement(?) into their lives? If nothing else, they should just jump and see how close a haircut they can give themselves from a ceiling fan. At least they'd be doing some good in this existence. Not to barbers though, they'd soon be out of a job, judging by how many bulletins like these come through a week.
Here's a basic self-help list of things you fucking-stupid-compulsive-useless-bulletin-posting-motherfuckers should make use of. These are a list, by no means comprehensive, and you shouldn't stop thinking of more creative ways to end your miserable lives.

1. As mentioned above, get the ceiling-fan-haircut.
2. Don't use your iPod when you have a bath.. Take a radio and balance it precariously on the side of the tub. It would be a waste of an iPod.
3. Tell Mike Tyson he talks funny.

If you're one of those who agrees with me, add your suggestions to the list, and repost it. On 2nd thought, don't repost it. Then you'd be one of those who reposts every bulletin they find interesting. Then you'd turn into one of THEM. Don't even paraphrase from my bulletin. Just read it and tell everyone to stop posting those damn bulletins.

Happy birthday Chean Ling!!

2006-04-23T11:03:00.000+08:00

It's Chean Ling's birthday today... Makes me think back to last year.. those were happy times... Only negative I can think of is that I wasn't on talking terms with Claudia right about then. Gave her a soft-toy puppy last year, for her birthday. Also a reminder of how much more I'm spending now, compared to then. At the time, it was entrance to clubs at the expense of others, free stuff all around. Now, I'm paying for more than my own meals, tickets etc. Still, the feeling of happiness makes it all worth it. Really should ask her soon. Not Chean Ling, the other her.

A year ago this time, it was 3 weeks after the incident between me and CL, so I was kinda on a high then, kinda like the high I'm on now. That high lasted months, lets hope this one lasts longer than that. My mistake then was being too slow, this time I'm making new mistakes. Just not that one. I think, no matter what people say, sometimes gut instinct is best. Key word = sometimes.

This random blogging tells me about the kind of blogger I am... I'm the type who doesn't blog as part of daily routine, I'm more of the blog when there's something to blog about. That doesn't just mean I blog when there's hot news. I blog when there's hot news worth blogging about. Or just updates on my life. When stuff happens. Not very often, but the gap between things happening is gradually narrowing. Yay.

I lack speed

2006-04-22T23:56:00.000+08:00

I'm probably the slowest moving guy ever, where asking a girl out is concerned. You know the evolution of man chart? the monkey, to the ape, slowly standing up on two legs, finally becoming the neandhartal man? Post my picture left of the monkey.

Chances were too many today, I just had to reach out and grab 'em. Got spotted by a few classmates, but otherwise just an overall fun outing. Hung out with Tim for awhile too.. If I'm Captain Obvious, Tim has got to be my foil within my platoon. The number of searching questions he asked her in my presence.. oh my gawddd... Not to mention kicking me at every favourable response. My leg hurts. Some doubt her sincerity, they say I'm blinded, unsaveable. I dunno... I just like to rely on my own devices when making an opinion on someone. Rumors and unfounded impressions are the bane of relationships. What I'm doing now, I'm spending time, searching not my own soul, but hers. I've gotta know what I'm getting into, and whether or not to get into it at all. Most people tell me to hurry it up and ask her, but... you know the feeling you get that it's waayyy too soon? That. That's what's holding me back. And that she seems too perfect. That's the blindfolds playing it's part. Sure she's a little on the lazy side, and she makes up stories to her parents.. who doesn't? And there's noone better than me at that game. I'm the world champion at making stories up to parents. Even for harmless things. LOL.

This love game is hard to play. DAMN.

Let it be

2006-04-15T15:37:00.000+08:00

My new motto. Let it be. Named after the Paul McCartney solo. I feel repulsion for hidden feelings and politics all of a sudden. Qué Séra Séra i say now. Whatever will be, will be. I'm just gonna live this life. Whatever happens happens.

Zero hour is closing in...

2006-04-12T18:02:00.000+08:00

T minus 2 hours - Watching Chappelle and chatting.... easing the nerves. Gonna have my bath soon. Better to be early than late. Will update later. Fingers not too steady.

Proof died, Paris sings, I'm nervous

2006-04-12T09:30:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates since the group of paranoid posts on the 9th. All was fine not long later, all I had to do was call her. I tried posting after that, but the page threw out my post.. for some reason. Dinner tonite. All I'm saying.

Proof died. DeShaun Holton, Eminem's long-time buddy was shot dead in a fight on 8 Mile(the actual 8 Mile the movie is based on). All Eminem fans would know how Em feels right now. They would know how close the two were. For those who've seen 8 Mile and don't know how Proof comes into the picture, the character Future was based on Proof. Ironically, Proof acted in 8 Mile as the battler who makes Eminem choke in the first battle.

Paris sings. Oh God. Better than Mozart? Bitch please. Watch this shit.

I'm nervous. The dinner tonight. I needn't say more. Wish me luck.

The fine line not to be crossed

2006-04-09T12:34:00.000+08:00

It's there, you don't see it, you don't feel it, you don't sense it till you've crossed it. Then you're left wondering if you've already crossed it, or whether you are just coming up to it. It's a tricky situation, this. There are those who would ignore your every message when you cross their line, then there are those who humour you while being very subtle about letting you know that you have crossed it, then they forgive you and the whole thing never happened.

How do you know when you're stuck in the former case? You keep consoling yourself that she just hasn't gotten your messages yet? A full inbox? Too busy to reply you? You keep yourself distracted in this world of possibilities, yet somehow, you just know. Or should be able to know. You wish you knew. I wish I knew. It's been 3 hours or so, and she did say yesterday that she'd be at church at about this time. She's probably busy with that. That's the excuse I'm going with. That's the excuse I'm content with. I wish it to be true. I'm sure it's true. DRAMA!!

How's about the beach?

2006-04-09T11:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was good to me. Spent time quite a bit of time with her. Lunch onwards. It's funny how all our dates are lunches.. But it's not like I can make a dinner date. Not while I'm living in this house. Maybe I can provide an excuse(dinner with friends) or the sort, will probably give it a try sometime soon. Was thinking about a trip to the beach. At night. Get a tarp and spread it on the sand, just lie on the beach and talk. Gazing at the stars. I'm so doing it.

too fast? too slow?

2006-04-09T08:29:00.000+08:00

I feel I might be getting into the same problem I had before. Timing. How fast should I move? How slow should I move? So far it's movies and lunch dates; and it's almost perfect. I feel it's time to make it official. Perhaps Monday. I was thinking of having a talk with her, just to see where her stand is on this thing.. What do you guys think? Should I ask? Or just get on with it?

What's in a name?

2006-04-08T11:31:00.000+08:00

Check this website out... www.behindthename.com/php/search.php

Find out the meanings of your names. For mine, search for raghu, not raghuram

Happiness... here I come..

2006-04-07T20:58:00.000+08:00

Today will very likely be a landmark date in my life. Progress on the route to happiness seems promising. A strange feeling comes over me when I look at the post I put up just a few days ago. What a difference a couple of days could make. Butterflies have conquered my stomach area, I feel like I'm walking on two inches of air, the extra altitude taking me ever so close to heaven as I've ever been. Possibilities loom larger than ever before in my horizons. I am spoilt for choice as to the roads I could take, the Yellow Brick Road being one of these. I will have to choose wisely. I will have to think through my every decision from hereon in. Or I could just act on instinct. Choices.. again. Most of my classmates would know what I'm talking about. It was, after all, written on that piece of paper stuck on the whiteboard earlier in class. The same piece of paper now folded and stored in my bag. You overlook spelling mistakes when something like this is in play. I wonder if what was written was true. What about if the names were reversed? Who would know that? Is it too early to tell? Isn't it? I would think so, but... what if? Wow.
Now for some French.
She says "Wat fatigué par jour! A eu une bonne journée cependant...".
I say "J'ai eu un jour fatigant trop... Était grand cependant!"

Time enough for a change... or is it?

2006-04-05T15:37:00.000+08:00

Lately I feel I'm losing touch of things around me. I feel stuck in a rut, stuck indoors, stuck in front of my computer, forced to pretend to study. I try studying, really, but it's just not happening. I get distracted, as I so often did before. Exams are about 3 months away; it's not a long time. Saying it's 90 days away makes it seem longer, but I don't want to look at it that way. I wanna be ready for these exams. Ready as I've never been ready before. I've got my calendar in front of my desk, I'm faithfully crossing the days off one at a time, but that seems to be all I'm doing. Some of what I read when I cast my eyes across the computer screen sticks, but how much of my work do I really see in the journey of the eye from my phone to my ever-blinking chat windows? Not much really. Rylands versus... ooh, look.. someone's come online. Yes, it's a tragic life I lead. It's so often said on Top Gear that the only thing worse than a bad car is a car with no character. An indifferent car. That's my life. The indifferent life. I'm not sure that if I hadn't existed, there would have been much difference to anyone around me. Now that they've got a taste of me, I'm sure there'll be some who'll reply that they'd feel the difference; but what if they had never known me? Everyone's lives would be almost exactly the same if I had never existed, I've not made any lasting impressions on anyone. That's the feeling I get sometimes. Don't mistake it for insecurity, I'm perfectly aware of who I am and what I'm capable of when I put my mind to it. It's just that I haven't been putting my mind to anything much thus far, neither am I sure I am capable of putting my mind to anything for long enough.
I'm not entirely sure I'm boyfriend material, of late. I begin to doubt that I have very much that girls find attractive, in the first place. A good heart makes you a good person, but does that count for much nowadays? Everyone says, insists and prays it does, but truly; how far does it get you? I console myself with Jean Grey's words "we flirt with the bad guy... but we take the good guy home." I see myself as the good guy. I half believe I'm incapable of doing something bad to someone else. It's quite probable that this sparks my hesitation to make moves on girls, in fear that they already have suitors; I'm not ready to make moves on someone elses girl.
Lately I went to the movies with a girl from my class. She's the cutest thing ever, but I thought she had a boyfriend already, until one of my friends told me she doesn't. I asked another couple along for the lunch and movie, but they only made it for the movie; that too in each other's arms in the couple seats. So I had plenty of alone time with her, and I think we might be compatible. Or maybe that's just what my heart wants it to be. Of all the girls I was made fun of over the last year and a half, this one has got to be the closest to being true, if not for her "boyfriend", I woulda made the moves earlier. Anyway, so we're done with lunch, waiting to go into the movie, and who should turn up... Mutual friends... The 3 of them with their primary school "Haaa-haaa... Caught you...". And another friend of mine turns up in the theater itself. So much for keeping it hush-hush. If you ask me, the worst thing that can happen to a budding relationship is for friends to find out and make fun of you about it. You get forced into this corner of trying to prove them wrong, and that forces you apart. Gurney Plaza is so the wrong place to go in a budding relationship. I should have known that. Almost two months ago, I saw two of my classmates going to the movies together and that uncovered their budding relationship. They're still together anyway, so maybe it'll be OK.
Besides that, I think we had a fun time together yesterday. Being the gentleman, I paid for everything; it's funny how the wallet dissolves into the background when matters of the heart are at hand. The movie was great, loads of fun. She did have to leave the theater once, and when we were whispering to each other, this other couple in front of us didn't like it very much and the girl in front stared at me. There were so many things I didn't do. I didn't do the fake-arm-stretch-yawn move. As much as I would have liked to. I haven't ever carried out this move. No matter who I go to the movies with. Sure I've yawned and stretched in movie theaters, but not as part of the move. Sometimes I wonder about my decision making skills. And whether my naivété in relationships causes these moments and oppurtunities to pass me by. Sometimes I wonder if I should just do what I feel like doing, hoping against hope that what I do doesn't offend the person I'm with. I wonder if that's what other guys do. I wonder how much I am like other guys. Have my social skills been dampened by my lack of social activity so catastrophically that I'm incapable of any cognitive function in the romance department? Or have I just forgotten these things in the process of being a nerd for the PFS-Adelaide days of my life? I admit it, I'm still a nerd. I don't open my mouth much in front of girls I like, in fear of saying something nerdy. When I do open my mouth, inevitably and quite expectedly, something nerdy does, in fact, come out. Just look at the way I'm talking now. The mark of a true nerd. But it's not like nerds don't have girlfriends. They do. I've seen them. And I'm not looking for a nerd girlfriend either, I need someone to help me erase all these traces of nerd. I need an anti-nerd. Then again, there'd be no common mentality between us. Oh dear, what do I truly want then? Sigh... I think I just want to be happy. Not content, happy.

My Johari Board!!

2006-04-01T10:34:00.000+08:00

Guys, do me a favour.. go fill these things out.. If you get your own boards after that, do post it as a comment here... Thanks ppl.. appreciate it..

Fill these out >>> http://kevan.org/johari?name=waghu and http://kevan.org/nohari?name=waghu

Phew! But sigh...

2006-03-07T23:57:00.000+08:00

Well, i'm feeling a little better about the google-K-Fed thing now.. it seems the order in which the results come up are random.. the number changed when i did the search again... Now just gotta hope I don't come up as the second result after something like www.britneyboobies.com or something... ><

OK, so that's the phew part done with... On with the sighing.

I wonder what's going on with that one girl. We were meant to have lunch today after not meeting for a long, long time... then she canceled on me last night. Well, at least she gave me notice.. didn't have to make up some excuse to parents to go out.

But what is it with me and her? It's almost a year since I first thought I might have feelings for her... There was that wonderful high we shared on the 31st of March last year, then after that it seems to have gone down from then... Well, part of the time at least. We did go clubbing together quite a lot last year, and some badminton and squash games, just for the exercise. But every time I arrange to go out with her and it's all set up perfectly, either she cancels on me or she brings a friend. I've nothing against her bringing a friend, especially since her friend happens to be a friend of mine too. What is it about me and her? Is she intimidated by me?
Well, then came Prom Night last year. Probably left it too late to ask her out to that. She was already going with some other guy, haven't seen his face around here lately.

Maybe I was, to an extent, intimidated by her. Not when I'm with her in person though. The rest of the time. That song "She's so high" by Tal Bachman comes to mind. She's one of those girls who can get any guys she wants, just like that. And she has that class thing that not many Malaysian girls can pull off. That appreciation for fine arts, that culture. We both attended a dance competition last year, not as entries, not together. She was there with her parents, and I was supposed to go with some friends and probably meet up with her. Not that I could work in front of her parents. She already hinted, quite subtly, that her parents would have a problem with a mixed coupling. Well, I don't feel that's a valid reason to deny love, but we haven't even determined if there is love here. There's an attraction to her on my part, and it's not just a physical thing. I feel like there might possibly be something more there. But how am I to ever know if we're not going out?

They say you can just know if you're in love, but I kinda disagree. Liking someone is a whole different animal from loving someone. And then there are the different types of love. Familial love, friend love and romance love. Of course there's pet love etc, but i'm only considering human relations here. Familial love doesn't necessarily mean there are family ties, that's what i feel. I feel you can have friends with whom there is familial love. There are some of my friends who I'm so close to, I feel like brothers to them, and lately I'm discovering I have a number of sisters too. It's a kind of protective/elder-brother younger sister love I have with some of these friends. Then there's the romance love.

Some say I've flitted in and out of various romances, I've kept count and there have been about 4-5 of those allegations. Let me clear this up right here, right now. There's only been ONE. The others might have served as delightful distractions from the fact that I can't get the girl. Can't is an interesting word. Sometimes I can't because of outside factors(not being able to see her, she's seeing someone else), other times it's just me. My hesitation. My awe of her. My not-wanting-to-fuck-up-everything-I-have-right-now-ness. Above all, my love for status quo. I realise, in retrospect, that my love for status quo has been my biggest downfall. The reason I didn't seek self-improvement in Disted College, Adelaide and DiL. The reason I hesitated to ask her out earlier. The reason I... sigh..

Regrets.. what are they good for?

An all-time low...

2006-03-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

This blog has officially reached it's lowest point in history.
I've recently found to my dismay that a search for Kevin Federline on Google.com submits my blog as one of the top 500 entries. What an insult to my blog. I bet all those CIA yuppies who've got nothing better to do are laughing it up at my expense right now.

Should probably change that video of him to something with a bit more class. Maybe there's an online video of a dog and a fire hydrant going about their daily business.

Does money make you more attractive?

2006-03-05T09:43:00.000+08:00

Does money make you more attractive?
Forbes magazine
By Dan Savage, Forbes.com

Why do beautiful women keep marrying Donald Trump? Most people, at least most people who aren't billionaires or supermodels will answer that question with an insult directed at the latest Mrs Trump.

We know why rich men marry beautiful women: for the sex, naturally enough, maybe even the love, as well as the companionship and perhaps the social status that marriage confers on a companion. (Grown men, particularly wealthy ones, can have mistresses, but there's something childish about a billionaire with a girlfriend.)

No one cuts women who marry rich men the same slack. We refuse to believe they honestly find these men attractive, after all, the men they're marrying are usually decades older and long past their looks-good-in-the-light-naked expiration date. Models and actresses who marry obscenely wealthy men, everyone agrees, must be interested in the money alone, and the power and the status it brings. They get through the sex by gritting their teeth or thinking of other, more pleasant things. (Like, say, their new credit limits.)

Women are sex objects, the old saying goes, and men are success objects. Women, fairly or unfairly, are judged on their looks, and men, fairly or unfairly, are judged on their money, their power and their status. If Mr. Donald Trump were a dishwasher, it's a safe bet that supermodels would not clamor for the opportunity to be the next Mrs Trump. But The Donald is rich (although how rich is in dispute), and he's famous and he's powerful. That makes him much more appealing than a dishwasher of similar age, build and comb-over.

Is this latest Mrs Trump in it for the money? Will the next Mrs. Trump be in it for the money? Yes and yes, and you know what? That's OK. And you know what else? That fact doesn't preclude the possibility that Mrs. Trump is also in love with Mr. Trump.

But can a woman fall in love really, truly, deeply in love, if she was initially attracted to a man for his money? To show how ridiculous that question is, let me alter it just a bit: Can someone fall in love, really, truly, deeply in love if he was initially attracted to a woman for her legs? No one doubts the answer to the second question is "yes." Physical attraction can bring two people together and, if the pair is emotionally compatible, that initial attraction can lead to a lasting love.Well, the same goes for money. Like nice legs, a fat portfolio can bring two people together, and then, if they're lucky, that initial attraction can lead to a lasting love.

Insisting that it's simply not possible for a woman to really love a man whose wealth caught her eye is very deeply sexist. Our culture celebrates romantic love and equates physical desirability with sexual prowess and romantic self-worth. This is a male-centric view, an elevation of surface beauty over other qualities. But it's male-ish to say that only the size of a man's pecs or the shape of woman's rear end can inspire a genuine attraction, whereas obscene wealth always and everywhere inspires only money-grubbing gold-digging.

Yes, yes: Wealth can attract money-grubbing gold diggers, but that's not always the case. Determining whether someone who was initially attracted to you for whatever reason, because you've spent the last three years in the gym doing crunches, or because you're Ronald Perelman--is sincerely in love with you for who you are requires emotional insight, the advice of trusted friends and a good pre-nup lawyer.

So let's say a beautiful young woman of modest means falls in love with a rich and powerful older man. Will the love last? Maybe, maybe not. There have been many Mrs. Trumps, and Ronald Perelman is soon to be single again. People fall out of love for all sorts of reasons; whether it was wealth or looks that brought two people together, there's no guarantee that it will last. Wealth, however, does have one thing over looks: beauty fades, interest accrues. This works in billionaires' favor, but not, alas, in the supermodels.

Still, it is possible that this Mrs. Trump is no bore. It's possible that she may very sincerely love Mr. Trump for richer, if not for poorer. And heck, it's also entirely possible that she will be the last Mrs. Trump.

Holocaust Cartoons?

2006-02-19T09:18:00.000+08:00

Middle-Easterners are a crazy bunch. A crazy confused bunch. Okay, so a newspaper printed a cartoon about Prophet Muhammad, a little insulting perhaps, but not illegal. This is a moral issue we're dealing with here, there's nothing at all legally wrong with the printing of those cartoons. Maybe it wasn't so wise to insult an already overly sensitive people. And these people aren't the type to just break down and cry when insulted, they're not your girlfriend back in secondary school who you broke up with because she was fat. These people aren't proponents of the proportional response either. They hit back really really hard. And outrageously too.

Look, some of my best friends have been Muslims, and they haven't been bad people. The cartoon made a generalisation of the Muslims all around the world, and that was wrong. Apparently, some Muslims have now taken to not depriving the world of their persona as protrayed by the cartoon. Protests turned violent have only solidified the image of Muslims as terrorists. Their actions, burning the Danish flag and such, have enforced the cartoon with credibility that was previously questionable. And how dare they torch a church!! The stupid bastards. For all you know, it was a Jew who came up with the idea for the cartoon. Or a Hindu. And what's that nonsense about the cartoon about the holocaust. Why bring the Poles into this. These protesters, with their tiny-nearly-nonexsistent brains, have taken to generalising the cartoon as the image of Islam among westerners and Europeans. Well, sure.. go ahead and burn another church, that'll help improve that image. Stupid fuck-ups.

On the brink of Valentines...

2006-02-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

It's Valentines day in 1,2,3, 4 days time. My second Valentines day. When I say second, I don't mean second Valentines day I'm celebrating, but the second one which I would have liked to celebrate, and yet again, didn't. With noone. Feeling that noone could have been someone. Not for lack of trying too, the first time, I asked the wrong person; the second time, sigh.. It's kinda hard... I hesitated too long to make a move. In retrospect, it's much easier to ask this particular girl out in person, rather than doing it through friendster messages, SMS, phone calls.. the lot. You know for sure that you've got someone special when it feels like this, and to lose it, because of bad timing.. well.. it's heart breaking. And what a time to lose it. On New Years day. Too-rah. Boo-hoo-hoo. Talk about elation becoming mixed feelings becoming gut-wrenching despair.

Note my January 1st post. Don't sense any great despair there, do ya? If there's one thing i pride myself in being able to do, is that I can cloak my feelings deep within in my heart. I hide it well. People say I don't have a temper. That I don't get angry. It's not so much that as.. my cool is my meal-ticket. Look at Marlon Brando in The Godfather. You can't buy that sorta cool. Sometimes there's simply no point in getting worked up about things, but sometimes you just can't help it. There are things that you should get worked up about, and then there are the other things.

But I'm not alone being alone this Valentines day. Some of my friends have their loved ones kept far from them, others sense rejection from the ones they so greatly adore. But we have each other. There are two kinds of love. No wait, three. Familial love, friendship love, and relationship love. I count us lucky to have two out of the three. Thank God for those two. And thank God you're girls, or this would sound so totally gay. :D
Ciao guys, and to the girl i missed out on.. I hope he gives you a Valentines you deserve, and beyond that, the life you desire. I won't stop kicking myself for a long time from now. Love.

Futsal with Prabs, among other things

2006-01-29T11:01:00.000+08:00

Futsal has gotta be the best thing in my life now. Or dota. Anyway, Prabs was back for the hols and we went for futsal yesterday. A number of people he already knew, Marshall, Sam, and some other guy even I didn't know. Seems he was a PFS fella. Malay fella, above-average English, and from the fact that he's been doing Medic at Melbourne, he would be from an above-average income family too. Quite a player, at that. What a work-horse.
I just realised what a lousy keeper i can be, but thank God my outfield work is back to my best. Well, nearly.
Prabs was all over the place. Not that he got the ball much, but he did leave his mark on a couple of us, me on the shin, others elsewhere. And I left my mark on Sam, i'm not gonna tell you where. Hey, I was clearing the ball. Heehee.. ball. Balls.

2006-01-11T14:35:00.000+08:00

Paintball group, Visit 1
L-R : Derrick, Terry, Prabhu, Marshall, Raghu, Shao Li, Heather, Michelle

Happy New Year... and get out of my way.

2006-01-01T12:40:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year guys... It's the beginning of a new era for me, I've made new resolutions. The difference being, this ear, I intend to follow through on these resolutions. I've been keeping my resolutions in a drawer the past few years, slacking off whenever and whereever possible. It's time for a change in lifestyle, perhaps tweaks in the sort of activities i get up to, and saving on expenditure, so I don't have to be a miser in UK. There's gonna be no more clubbing till my exams in July pass, so there's room for balancing the budget with a substantial amount going into the bank each month.

Kinda feel like doing a review of what 2005 has meant to me. Probably should divide this into segments, so it's easier to think through.

Gotta start academically. Hmm, not done to great, nevertheless, I'm through to second year. Gotta buck up this year, the resolution takes care of that. Gotta cut down on distractions, no clubbing, dota should end in a month or so, futsal's a good distraction, so that'll go on. Gotta stop wasting time online, well, needs discipline.

Socially. Met a lot, and i mean a LOT of people. Gotten close too. It was in January that i got my hair cut short and decided to maintain it this way. Thank God for the change in me, it's done me good I think. I kinda like my current group of friends, they have fun together on the whole, and they also have lives of their own. That's what i think life should be about. It shouldn't be all about a certain group of friends, it should be mixing, put the community in a blender and hit frappe! - that's what it should be. Mixing. I've somehow managed to keep in touch with my Aussie friends, it's been a year and a half since I've left, guys.. don't think I don't miss you like hell. We had good times when I was there.. but we also did a lot of things our parents wouldn't be too proud of. We did things our peers (as in people who think like we used to) would've been proud of us. We dedicated our lives (at least I did) to Dota and Warcraft, and look where it's landed us. But I think we've risen from the ashes (yes, Dota burned me), yet I'm not a phoenix. More like a sparrow. Or if I'm in a generous mood, a raven, at the very least. There. Now there's a little standard to be held dear. I'm kinda back to my Dota-ing ways, now that my A-levels and PFS friends are here, but that'll end soon, they've gotta go back sometime. Clubbing, now there's something I will definitely miss for a while now. At the beginning of 2005, there was the deal I made with my parents, clubbing once a month, transferable between months, for birthdays and sort. 2005 was my year in clubbing. Never went before (except the once in Adelaide), and probably not to go for the first half of 2006. I've had my highs and lows in clubs, joys and missed oppurtunities, hopes and regrets. Maybe I should have moved faster with a certain someone, but who knows what she was looking for, perhaps not me. I should probably heed my cousin's advice, and straight out ask her. Dutch courage. I'll need to down a few, perhaps, before I ask her. Sigh. Missed oppurtunities linger longer, perhaps, than required in the deep bowels of one's soul. Oh, and I was a prom king nominee, but never mind that. Nothing happened.

Financially, now. Losses are plenty. Money lent out, never to be seen again, loss of belongings (theft, more like), car crashes aplenty. God, my poor Volvo, my dear sweet Volvo. The things I have put you through. Grieve not, for this year, you will be sent to a car spa, perhaps in Singapore? We (me dad and me) shall seek out the very best. It is the least we could do for 21 years of faithful service. As for the loss of belongings, I know who the theives are. All I can say : watch out motherfuckers, I'm gonna fuck your life up so bad, you won't know which way is up. What hurts me is, these people approach you with the pretence of being your friend. Such careless use of friendship (or should i say pseudo-friendship?) will cost you bad. If i had a 12-gauge... the things I would do to those people. I'd eat their hearts out with spoons, actually, a 12-gauge would end their suffering way too quickly.

Looking back, 2005 has been the socialite year in my life, stuff has happened to me I would never have thought possible. I've been glorified at times, only to stumble and trip myself up. But some highs never dampen. My self-esteem seems undentable, I have pride in who I am. I am Raghuram Krishnan, son of Dr. R. Krishnan, grandson of Dr. M.K. Subrahmanyam. I have Ramanathan Iyer blood in me. I am not a nobody. I am a somebody. I owe it to my forefathers to make something of myself. I should be a blue-blood in my field of choice, just as my ancestors were. I should live my life, head held high, hopping, skipping and jumping up the social ladder, the ladder of society. I belong at the pinnacle of great acheivement, and anything that gets in my way has to be removed. Has to. Must be removed. This is what I have to do.

Post-Christmas Euphoria

2005-12-26T18:22:00.000+08:00

Hey hey.. It's me again.. 2 weeks since my last post, here I am, basking in the joy of Christmas. Yeah, I may be Hindu, but that doesn't mean I can't accept and embrace the joyous, celebratory occasions of the other religions - the presents help with the transition. Oh, and not to mention the partying. Gotta love the partying. It all ends as of 2nd January 2006 though.. it's officially my cut-off date for partying late, not that there's been much of that either. So the new year's celebration is gonna be the last late night I'll have in a long long time to come, gotta get to bed before 12, up before 8 and hit them books hard and fast. God help me.

Back to the euphoria I'm feeling, it's predominantly due to spending the Christmas eve and day-of in the company of those I treasure so. On the eve of Christmas, my time was well spent at a party with my current circle of friends at college, well, the ones who were at that particular party anyway. I really do wish i could spend more time with my friends who are averse to clubbing, but really... averse to all vices? I don't understand people who don't have vices. How could you not want to be with the hottest guy/girl? How could you not feel jealous or envious of those who have more than you do? There's a limit to indifference, I've been there... Just ask me for my pictures from Adelaide, now there's indifference to plain old looking good. I had vices back then though, dota and whatnot. Not having vices, is to me, the equivalent to not having standards. Vices are things we wish to attain, acquire, own. There's absolutely noone who is totally content with what he/her has. Maybe Buddha, but noone else. I bet if Buddha knew he couldn't end all suffering and poverty in the world, he would have a vice or two. No offence meant to Buddhists out there, but Buddha didn't end poverty and suffering. He showed us how to deal with it, and how to minimize the risk of causing it. There's pain and suffering everywhere... Oh dear, where's that euphoria gone..?

Happy birthday to me...

2005-12-10T10:31:00.000+08:00

No, there weren't fireworks from the rooftops spelling my name out in huge flaming letters in the sky... Celebration is not quite there yet... Of course, I can legally gamble now, just waiting for a chance to go to Gentings... I need the cash, BAD. Buying the Oakleys was probably a little extravagant, but I don't care.. I'm happy widdit. Kind of mixed feelings over the past few days, United dumped out of Europe balanced of the birthday high, constantly going out for dota and futsal balances out the time i have to spend at home, housework and pretending to study. Damn, my middle finger hurts... No, noone bent it over backwards after i displayed it to them, there's something under the skin that prevents it from straightening up completely, i gotta go to see Dr. Shun on Monday, he'll apply Local Anaesthethic and i'll pretend to know what's going on with his kids in UK, and after the operation, it's off to the state assembly... Wonder if i can drive after the operation. Oh no!! No dota after the operation!! Dammit!! Hmm.. futsal still possible though. We'll see...
I gotta ciao for now.. Gotta go visit the grandmums, hope there's some income there.. I gotta live this month.. and save some for a trip to Gentings... wish me luck.. lol. Take care guys...

2005-11-26T13:52:00.000+08:00

Google Earth. Latest from Google.
Downloaded this software a couple of days ago, decided to try it out yesterday, it's amazing!! Check it out, Penang's actually featured, not like in the Yahoo maps thingy online. Of course, this is a software, so it'll be on the computer the whole time.. but it uses streaming to get the maps in.
Check it out guys... This is the free version, they'll be updating the details in the maps, i read somewhere you'd soon be able to zoom in on your own backyard... Not all over the world so soon yet though.

Thankses Bubu....

2005-11-14T21:29:00.000+08:00

Daphne gave me an inspirational bookmark yesterday, a lovely thing, very moving... It means a lot to me, thanks Bubu!! The poem on the bookmark is as follows:

follow your dream...

Take a step at a time

and don't settle for less,

just continue to climb.

If you stumble,

don't stop.

Never lose sight

of your goal.

Stay focused on

your path.

Press on to the top.

For only on the top

can we see

the whole view,

can we see

what we've done

and what we can do,

can we then have

the vision to seek

something new...

Press on,

and follow your dream.

Bowling Tournament...

2005-11-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

It's finally here.. the IPG Law Society Bowling Tournament... After dropping in on my newly-in-from-Bangkok relatives for lunch, I'm off to college to pick Parvin, then off to Penang Bowl to practice for the tournament starting at 4. We start off OK, me with about 115 pinfalls, Parvin with 100+, but our playing quality declines gradually over the 3 games we played before i had to leave to pick Prem and Joyce up from the IPG hostel. Once i'm back, I pay the counter for another game, and get my game shoes on again. Brilliant!! I score my highest ever bowling score! The score cumulative is as follows:

17-35-52-60-79-88-97-127-157-184

I also got my first 4-Baggers(4 strikes in a row) in this game.. It was a high for me, and the boast topic for Parvin (See Rags got 4-Baggers!!)

Soon enough the tournament got underway, somehow Bubu hoodwinked me into taking part in the singles as well as the doubles. Aiks. Julien also became a last minute entrant, along with Shiwen. I shouldn't have laned with them, i couldn't keep as close an eye as i would have liked on the higher scorers... I thought it was a knockout system going, I wouldn't have taken it so easily if i knew I was bowling in the thing itself.. the scores from the 2 rounds we played were the scores. I bowled an average of 110+, placing me about 5th. Dissapointing, I'm sure I coulda and woulda done better if I was better informed. Moving swiftly into the doubles rounds, I didn't want to be the first to bowl, so I waited on the Chinese girls in the next lane go first. Coincidently, the guy who got 2nd in the singles was paired with a friend in the lane on the other side of me. The first game was dissapointing. It would've seemed in the beginning that I was headed for a 140 game, but Parvin's low scores kinda threw me off. You wouldn't believe the frames he was missing. He averaged about 2 pinfalls per frame for the first 2 frames, gradually getting more accurate, but still nowhere near what he should've been scoring. Lack of hope lowered my scores tremendously, but Parvin managed a few strikes close to the end of the round, and we both scored 100+. This gave me a boost for the 2nd game, and thank God, Parvin raised his game and scored 120+. My score the 2nd round was 146, which is to date, my 3rd highest score. So it's a 1st and 3rd personal placing day for me, as well as a 3rd and 5th in college, as our second round boosted us above the competition to 3rd in the doubles. I still think we shoulda made 2nd but for our abysmal first round. Anyway, it's all cool, but i realise this'll be the last IPG bowling tournament i can take part in(I'll be in UK next year, hopefully). Here's to hoping the BAS holds a tourny before i go... Cheers guys...

Letting Go...

2005-11-09T00:17:00.000+08:00

I'm probably not alone when i say my parents have problems when it comes to letting go. Sure, they let me go to Australia to study for a year and a half, but soon enough come the half-yearly visits. I especially hated it when my mom popped by unannounced on my doorstep last June. Sure, we're their kids and all, but there's a limit to how much you should hang on to your children. Well, i don't know, i'm just afraid i'll be the first 27 year-old i know who still stays with his parents, eating the food my mom cooks, having to say goodnight to them everynight before going to sleep. If I had my way, as soon as i'm on the plane to UK, the night before would be the last night I spend calling my parent's home my home. After that, it's a year and some months in UK for me, and when i get back here, I should have a job waiting for me. Of course there'll be the transition period between the time I get back and when i find a place suitable for me and *ahem* my companion. Yes. I said it. I'm not waiting on my parents to fin someone for me to grow old with. I'm not letting my parents pick my wife... In the wise words of Russell Peters, I won't even let my parents pick my clothes!! I ain't getting into this arranged marriage bullshit. I'm packing some heat here, mind the language.

I just don't get how parents think they're responsible for the way their child turns out. Perhaps, there was a time when parents were the major influences in their kids lives, maybe this way of life still exists in some households. Nuh-huh.. not me. Sure, my parents are good people and all that, but I don't wanna grow up to be them. They haven't got lives of their own. Their main job is taking care of other people. I wanna grow up to take care of my and my girl(who'll then be my woman). By 60, I wanna have my kids taking care of me. Keep those cheques in the mail, son. Just what you can spare. I'm not gonna bankrupt my kids, but i'm not gonna keep sending them money to live on in their late 20s. I'm gonna give them in their teenagehood the freedom i lacked in my teenagehood. I've been forced to be a late bloomer. The little exposure i got to girls during my teens was limited to those i met in Piano Class and Add Math tution. What, you don't believe me? It's the whole truth. I had a little more freedom when i was in A-levels, but i was just a weirdo then, the repercussions of my girl-starved teenagehood. Then I was jetted off to Aussie, and again, weirdo me.
I'm kinda done with this rant. Hmm. *cues curtains down*

2005-11-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

Me and the guy-in-charge pulling Archan out of the water after i made too sharp a turn at too high a speed, and she flew off, pulling me with her.. lol..

2005-11-05T21:41:00.000+08:00

Ramnath and Sivaram on their jetski... Pity I didn't ride this slow, coulda had a nice pic like this taken...

2005-11-05T21:38:00.000+08:00

Archan and Me jetskiing on Thursday

2005-10-30T17:27:00.000+08:00

The very tired, very blur vampire and the grunge-gypsy-hip-hop lass he captured in his big-blue vehicle...

2005-10-30T17:23:00.000+08:00

The Vampire and the Vampiress... Excuse the dust on my neck and shoulder... *ahem*

2005-10-30T17:19:00.000+08:00

Daphne and Me outside the War Museum... so tired at the end of it...

2005-10-30T17:17:00.000+08:00

Me in another tunnel... This was at ground level though, the entrance and exit were so close to each other, what was the point of having them i wonder..

2005-10-30T17:15:00.000+08:00

A 10-pound bomb... It's still 'live', so don't drop it!!

2005-10-30T17:10:00.000+08:00

Me and an AA gun used to shoot down fighter pilots in WW2...

2005-10-30T17:08:00.000+08:00

One of the guys climbing up the ladder...

2005-10-30T17:07:00.000+08:00

The place we exit to from the ladder...

2005-10-30T17:06:00.000+08:00

Daphne and Me at the 30-metre down bunker... We had to crawl through the hole behind her and climb straight up a ladder to reach the surface... Dirty, claustrophobic, messy stuff...

2005-10-30T17:05:00.000+08:00

Don't ask...

2005-10-30T17:03:00.000+08:00

Me in the underground tunnel at the War Museum... had to crouch and walk through the whole length of it...

2005-10-30T17:02:00.000+08:00

Me waiting for all to come out of the Aquarum, credit to Daphne for the angle of the shot..

2005-10-30T17:01:00.001+08:00

Daphne and Me at the back portion of the Penang Aquarium... nice place to sit and chill and talk..

2005-10-30T17:01:00.000+08:00

Daphne and Me at the Penang Aquarium...

2005-10-30T17:00:00.000+08:00

A turtle swimming in the water at the Penang Aquarium

Creativity and Me

2005-10-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

Creativity... what is it? Through the years, we're led to believe that it's a trait one is blessed with, giving him/her the uncanny ability to express oneself on demand, I'm beginning to think the difference between the "creative" ones and the rest of us is simply having means of recording the ideas when the flash of inspiration hits us. Of course even the dimmest bulb out there has his/her moments, but i'm talking about long term creativity, not an isolated examination, one hit wonder writers... I read a real-life story by one of my favorite authors, in which he expresses a similar thought, saying that when one gets an idea for a story, it should be written down immediately lest it be forgotten. Hmm, what's with the English there... "lest" hmmph...
Anyway, so recently i've taken to keeping a notebook with me at most times, there's one in my car, as i spend so much time in there, there's one on my desk, the only one i've written in so far.. But i've managed to forget 2 ideas already, can't quite remember what they were, damn.. I know a number of you have blogs where you post straight away when you get ideas of what to write, or do you write it on paper first, then blog later? What you guys think?
ciao for now

Air Guitar...

2005-10-12T21:24:00.000+08:00

My latest compilation sweeps my feet from under me. Well, not all of it, just some of the songs in there, the rest is filler. Right now, I've got Corazon Espinado playing (on repeat) in my car CD player. Like Frasier and Niles do with violins and Mr. Botibol and Ms. Whats-her-name do with a full orchestra(refer to Roald Dahl's short story "Mr. Botibol"), I started imagining i myself as a guitarist... with the tiniest of shoulder shrinks, putting all my feeling into making that "guitar" in my arms wail, just as Carlos (Santana) does in that song. All the while waiting for the traffic light next to CGL to turn green. I wonder what was going through the mind of the tudung-ed girl in the school bus next to me when she saw me going once through the song. Yikes. I find my fingers moving to the chords and solos out of my control when i hear the song.. It continued even when i was driving.. you'd see little back-and-forth movements of my wheels if you watched closely enough... the bottom part of the steering wheel acting as the neck of a guitar... the imaginary pick between my right thumb and index finger... get out of the way of that car there, scrape my pick up the B string... aah...

Makin a song...

2005-10-09T18:38:00.000+08:00

Forgot to say.. I'm attempting song writing, now i'm writing a rap with G-Unit's vocals in mind.. the title is Gangsta Love(I's You Kevlar).

"Lol, lame...," you say... just you wait... Imma make it big someday, and imma take my rep to the 'hood... just you wait...

Bowling...

2005-10-09T18:03:00.000+08:00

Some of you know this, i've joined the IPG bowling tournament in Singles and Doubles(with bubu =P), and totally sucked during the first practice.. got scores below 90... not up to my usual standard, any one of my cousins can vouch for that. I was so filled with disbelief, that i went to Jayabowl in Midlands by myself to build up my self confidence again, and i did well!! well, not the best i've played, but at least somewhere in the vicinity of my average scores... I seem to start well, standard of play drops as the game goes on, i'm prob not used to playing as much as i used to... these are the cumulative scores.. figure out the pinfalls for yourself...

Game 1: 20-40-60-79-88-95-103-111-118-134

Game 2: 18-26-35-52-59-67-75-75-84-102

Yes, dear friends... in game 2 i managed to get a double gutterball, i was trying to acheive a spinball into the 1-3 pocket and failed miserably..

My wrist isn't as strong as it used to be.. I used a 10 ball, and my wrist was aching midway into the 2nd game.. I'm thinking of getting a wrist guard, like the ones pros use, but i can just imagine Daphne shouting "Copycat!!" in my face...

Anyway.. that's all bowling news from me for now, i'll be going for another practice sometime, will update my scores here.. =D

Three Things about me (I've been tagged... thx sugs)

2005-09-26T22:09:00.000+08:00

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Raghu 2. Rugs 3. Waghu

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:1. paperprofessor 2. Daeron Elensar 3. SimulatedFrenzy

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:1. My hair 2. My height 3. still lean

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:1. Oily Skin 2. Too thin 3. Pimples( does that fall under no.1?)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:1. Rollercoasters(I like to be in control of it, not just flailing out of control) 2. Bad results :( 3. Losing someone i love

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:1. Handphone 2. laptop(with internet) 3. transport

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:1. Sean Paul 2. 50 Cent 3. Akon

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: 1. Gotta start from friendship 2. Acceptance of each others individuality 3.

TRUTHS: 1. I'm lazy 2. Crushes come and go, Love lasts. 3. erm.. I gotta study harder.

LIE:1. I can live without music 2. Loneliness would kill me3. I love horror movies

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: 1. Big eyes 2. nice smile 3. not too tall, should fit under my shoulder, not me under hers.. lol

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:1. Music, music music 2. playing computer games 3. hanging out with friends

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: 1. Destress a lot 2. hang out with friends 3. Move on with life quicker..

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:1. work as an engineer 2. work as a writer(still poss) 3. work as a lawyer(still poss)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: 1. US 2. Europe 3. Africa

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: 1. see the places above to my heart's content 2. Build my family a beautiful house to live in 3. Live

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY: 1. I love cars 2. I love the booze 3. I'm an idiot by way of EQ sometimes

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL: 1. I might show a hard exterior, but i'm a softie inside 2. I love gossip 3. I like shopping :D

THREE (FE)MALE CELEB CRUSHES:1. A-Jo 2. Cameron Diaz/Drew Barrymore 3. Mary Louise-Parker (go look her up)

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:1. Trish 2. Archan 3. YOU!!

PMPS Dinner and Dance 2005

2005-09-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

My new name. From now on, i shall be known as such. The PMPS seems to think i qualify, so the rest of you should sit on your objections.

Had fun at the dinner, the food was really nice. It's funny how meaty sea food tastes like chicken. Had what i was later told was shark's fin soup, i thought it was chicken broth. Had a kinda rendang thing, thought it was chicken.

Doctors seem to have a sense of humour after all. There were a number of jokers about the room, among them being the D-G of Health and my dad's friend who happened to sit next to me. He bullied me with jokes at first, but i got back at him when he dared me to call a Malay girl who works at the Shangri-La as some Desk Manager, and i actually did with his phone till he snatched it back from me. I wonder if she returned the call.

The D-G had a number of jokes and mimics to do, mostly of primary politicians in our country, 1 of whom has already hung up his boots. Some of the mimicry was too close for comfort, there might be a knocking upon his door sometime in the near future.

There was also this guy who came up on stage, Helmi the Gimmick. I think they meant Mimic, as he did more mimicry than being much of a gimmick. He did more of what the D-G did, but this guy added his own touch to it, adding a little taboo into the mix. Then he changed into a Chinese costume, something Jet Li would have worn in his Wong Fei Hong(is that how you spell it?) movies, complete with the pony tail. He did his bit there, and moved on to woo the Indian crowd. Here he noticed the noise created by Dr. Jitendra, the one earlier mentioned as sitting next to me. Of course Indian songs can't be done by one person, so he had Jit act as a hero, got a 60+ year old lady to act as the heroine. I've been trying to get the picture that goes with this part to appear here, but it's not happening, so i'll just leave it for now. Anyway, his advances were met with an equal and opposite force, and thus she remained sitting at her table. Of course, this woman was his wife, sitting 2 places from me, so his heroics are well-captured on film. Anyway, that was that, and Helmi moved on to his Malay parody, of course portraying the typical MB, tada budget, tada budget... that sorta thing.

Hmm.. kinda lost my train of thought here, check back later when i got it going again... till then, ciao.

2005-09-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

Stef and Me at the Shishah-ing place...

2005-09-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

Me blowing more smoke...

2005-09-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

Shisha-ing with Rhina, Sasha and Stef earlier... I blew the most smoke :D

2005-09-20T20:41:00.000+08:00

The big and small of cameras... I bet i I got better pictures.. hmmph!

2005-09-20T20:40:00.000+08:00

My posse and me...

2005-09-20T20:39:00.001+08:00

Me at work, photographing Nandhini's house and interior from all angles...

2005-09-20T20:39:00.000+08:00

Me at the Sangeet for Nandhini and Mohan's wedding, went to the airport dressed like this... ><

Intro

2005-09-16T17:13:00.000+08:00

Hey there guys, welcome to my new blog/website. I bought this page just a week ago, i've wanted my own domain for a long time now. Although i can personalise this page a lot more, i've decided to edit a Blogger.com template and put it in here... much easier to post stuff... The only downside being that there's a Blogger bar at the top of the page... As most of you know, i'm on holiday now, and got nothing much to do... well, except SPCA activities, law society stuff and dota. Aah.. dota... it's been so long since i last played actively, as i did in australia. Wasted my dad's money by fooling around there. Hope i get through law, else the dota sacrifice wouldn't be worth it... I've been playing again for a month or so now, i find i'm nowhere near the level i used to be at... I am now the noob i used to so cherish beating the crap out of months ago. Anyway enough about dota. I'm reformed now.

Went for SPCA rounds yesterday, while taking pictures of sickly dogs in their residences, got confronted by a number of people who were uneasy(to put it mildly) about us taking pictures of their residences. One of these people live within 200m from my house, and he had a clear view of the Volvo, so it's quite possible that he knows where to look for me if he wants more of an explanation. So we'll have to see what happens from now...

Been playing dota till crazy hours of the night, lacking sleep badly, will have to recover during the weekend. Ciao for now guys, i'm gonna snooze

2005-09-14T21:44:00.000+08:00

Me in Cali... this was at the house, i think during the eating thing in the morning b4 the wedding...